do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
