Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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