so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
