Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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