I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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