Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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