omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
