wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I looked at my own cervix.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
