wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
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