Please, let me fuck your mom
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
