He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
