Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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