I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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