I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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