I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
