Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
