I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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