there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
