just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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