It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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