Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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