She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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