I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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