Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize