I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
