I want to have your abortion
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
