I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
