I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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