She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
