her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
