Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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