Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
