The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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