I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
