Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
