I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
so let's talk penis.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
