I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
