i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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