Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
