so that wasnt chicken after all
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Mom said you looked used
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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