if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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