plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
