in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
