if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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