Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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