I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
