You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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