Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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