what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
