Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
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