but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
