how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
