So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You left your phone here
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