Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
