i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
