he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
