he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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