Apparently you make a good broom.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
