You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
