note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
