I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
