fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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