Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
high people should be assigned attendants
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he fucked my hip out of place.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
