Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
