Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
