so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize