you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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