T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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