my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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