dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
