We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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