; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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