Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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